Little Mistakes

The fact is, confident people don’t worry about making little mistakes.  They make mistakes and wave it off.  Of course everyone makes mistakes.

The illusion of only getting friends and relationships by pulling off a flawless combo of social interactions is the driving force for socially awkward people.

The fear of making a mistake is far more damaging than the act of making the mistake.

Robots

(Paraphrased from the movie Prometheus)

A conversation between a robot and his fellow human.

Human: What we hoped to achieve was to meet our makers.  To get answers.  Why they even made us in the first place.

Robot: Why do you think your people made me?

Human: We made you because we could.

Robot: (pause) Can you imagine how disappointing it would be for you to hear the same thing from your creator?

Fate

I used to believe in fate.  Or at least I know I tried to believe in fate.  Things are easier to deal with when “it’s all for the best.”

Failure.

Disappointment.

Rejection.

Loneliness.

But I believe now that fate is just another way to dodge responsibility.  It’s an excuse to make the same mistakes over and over, telling yourself that it’s all part of some master plan.

Fate is a make-believe light at the end of a make-believe tunnel.. and that’s not okay.

I want to be accountable for my choices.  I want to feel completely the pain of my mistakes.

My choices and the subsequent consequences of those actions define who I am.

And even if fate is real.  Even if there exists a tunnel.  Even if there exists a light at the end of the tunnel…

I would want to carve my own path.  I would want to reach the end on my own terms.

The irony of beauty

As the great botanist Bichat long ago said, if everyone were cast in the same mould, there would be no such thing as beauty. If all our women were to become as beautiful as the Venus de’ Medici, we should for a time be charmed; but we should soon wish for variety; and as soon as we had obtained variety, we should wish to see certain characteristics in our women a little exaggerated beyond the then existing common standard.

– Charles Darwin

Ah, the irony of beauty.

Kindness

Be kind.

Do not be nice, but be kind.  The difference is subtle, but important.

A nice guy inherently expects something in return. His satisfaction lies in the reward for being nice.

A kind person is on his own accord, and has no expectations of reciprocation. His satisfaction lies in the act of being kind.

Be kind, my friend.

Stoicism

stoicism (n.) – the practice of being unaffected by misfortune. A stoic will recognize that mishaps will inevitably occur so he is constantly ready and open to experiencing them. Unlike pessimists, stoics expect bad things to happen only because they recognize that this is the nature of reality.

They understand that everything in life is a cycle– good cannot exist without the bad. Ups without downs. Good or bad, up or down, yin or yang, stoics see all experiences as learning experiences.

Fear of Children

my mom had a house, a husband, and a career, but she still felt her life wasn’t completely fulfilling and purposeful, and she thought children were supposed to fill those vacancies in her life. we might have filled some of those empty holes in her life, but we couldn’t fill all of them and make her happy and satisfied and give her life purpose and meaning. those are things she needed to look for within herself, but instead she chose to burden two infants with the task of creating meaning in her life. we failed at that task, and she resented us for it. she resented us not only for our failure to make her happy with her life, but also for using up all of the time, energy, and resources she might otherwise have used to find that thing that would give her life meaning and purpose.

kona_kona @ reddit.com

This is like nightmare scenario for me.  As I grow older and the social pressure of settling down and having kids begins to rear its ugly head, I have to take a step back and take a hard look.

Kids are no joke, and I’d have to be absolutely sure that I want them.  Eesh.

Music

I listen to music.  A lot.

But you’ll find me attaching myself to a song and listening to it on repeat for weeks.  Until I get tired of it.

It’s comforting, and I know that the song will bring me satisfaction.

And when I’m done, I go find new music as if it’s a chore.  It drains me to listen and discover new music.  I wonder if I’m the only one.

Preach

People preach what they themselves need to hear the most.

If this is true, what does my blog say about what I need to hear most?

Dad.

I don’t have a good relationship with my dad.  It’s in the way that he communicates.  I can’t blame him completely– his English is non-existent and my Vietnamese is at a 2nd grade level.  He’s the typical Asian dad.

It’s hard to see that he really just wants the best for me.  Sometimes it’s impossible to see that everything he tries to tell you and everything he tries to teach you, is through his love for you.  I should be grateful that I have someone who’s willing to put up with my attitude, my passive aggressiveness, and overall dickhole-ness, and all he asks for in return is that I become a good person.

I love you, dad.

I just wish there wasn’t such an impossible wall between us.