Til Death Do Us Part & Divorce

Til Death Do Us Part

Everyone knows that part of the marriage vow– “Til death do us part.” It’s sweet, it’s sentimental, and it conveys that marriage is a commitment for life.  But consider this:

After 30 years of marriage, if you had a heart attack and died on the way to the divorce lawyer, everyone would’ve gone, “Oh wow, 30 years together… what a successful marriage!”  But 30 years and you actually divorce?  Oh no.  That’s a failed marriage.

It’s because we (society) define success in marriage as death.  It doesn’t matter how miserable you were, whether it was an abusive relationship or one of lifelong resentment and misery.  It doesn’t matter if it was fulfilling.  If somebody’s getting buried and you’re still married, success!

The silver lining of divorce

There’s always a stigma surrounding divorce.  But what people don’t realize is that divorce is a deliberate choice by one or both parties.  It’s an opt-out.

It’s not like it’s an unfortunate unforeseen accident that just happens to couples.  “Oh did you hear about poor Jim?  Yeah he was just out walking his dog and fell into a divorce!  What are the chances!”  Hahaha.

But there’s something about realizing that marriage is opt-in/opt-out.  With the possibility of divorce, it’s almost like you have to earn your partner’s presence in your life.  Nothing can be taken for granted.  It forces people to try to be happy with each other (omg) and good to each other.

You can’t take your partner for granted in a way that you could when it was one woman, one man, for life.

And in the wake of failed marriages, it allows for the ones that persevere– the ones that endure– to blossom.